Low moments are not fun. I’ve debated about getting into it with you guys, because (a) it’s a downer and (b) it’s hard. It’s been a low day or two, and I hate to go on about it or visit my negative energy on you.
Suffice it to say, if you please, that I am not having fun, not one bit. I wish this was over right now. Keith is working so hard, probably too hard. My kids are stressed. I’m stressed.
When Keith had cancer in 2015 (you can read a brief account of that struggle here), I made a conscious choice to navigate that with grace and dignity…
Giving grace – humble, compassionate, empathetic.
With grace – tempered, kind, loving.
Preserving dignity – watchful, vigilant, protective.
With dignity – restrained, respectful, decorous.
…and that’s how I want to handle this, but I’m really being put to the test right now.
My efforts toward carrying myself with grace and dignity seem pretty futile lately.
While I’m churning out an optimistic-leaning post one minute, I’m a wet, sobbing mess that must be pulled naked and dripping from the shower the next. My intentions are good, but my abilities soon fail me.
I read the loving comments, messages, texts, and emails, and I’m encouraged. Then I stand up and try not to fall, and spend the next little while crying and blubbering with frustration.
My grace and my dignity wane.
So I remind myself…
Grace and dignity, Amanda. Freaking handle it.
Grace and dignity, Amanda. Wipe your tears.
Grace and dignity, Amanda. Try harder.
Grace and dignity, Amanda. Be patient.
Grace and dignity, Amanda. You are blessed.
Y’all, let’s hold on to this together.
Move with grace. Hold your shoulders back.
Protect your dignity. Say “no” to anything that puts your dignity in jeopardy, like gossip or sordid nonsense from some man (sorry, guys!).
Spill out your grace to everyone. Carry yourselves with grace. Be someone’s grace. Give yourself grace.
Preserve the dignity of others. Protect, shield, be a buffer, respect.
And, please…lift me up in my effort toward grace and dignity. When I’m struggling, it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to plunge into the hole of self-pity and self-doubt. I have been there for a day or two, but I don’t want to be.
Let’s rally! Plaster it everywhere. #graceanddignity
#pray4msa #powerinthepurple
(I am LOVING the purple I’m seeing!)
You can catch up on the situation here…
Meningiomas & Badasses: Here We Go
Tags: brain tumor, brain tumor awareness, brain tumor journey, encouragement, grace and dignity, meningioma, meningioma awareness, mom blog, powerinthepurple