“Baby…we’re badasses.”

We were in the car. I was bewildered. That’s what he said. I remember.

Moments before, I had an MRI. As soon as we got in the car, my nurse practitioner called to confirm what the radiologist had seen. Indeed, it was two tumors on my brain. Two meningiomas.

What is a meningioma?

A meningioma is a (generally) benign tumor. It forms on the meninges, the outer membrane that covers the brain and spinal cord. Of the over 120 forms of brain tumors, it is the most common.

Many people have one or more and don’t know it. Meningiomas are often found during CT scans performed for other reasons, such as checking for a concussion after a car accident or fall. As long as the meningioma remains a reasonable size or does not intrude on any critical brain structures, it often goes undetected.

I had never heard the word “meningioma” until that day, and here I am with two.

This is the larger tumor of my two.

My Tumors

One tumor is small and minding its own business. It doesn’t appear to be threatening, so we will leave it alone for now. It’s also in a precarious place, and fooling around in that spot could risk paralysis on my right side.

The other, bigger tumor, about an inch or so in size, is located on the frontal parietal lobe within the falx (the center folds that divide the brain into two hemispheres) and pressing on parts of the brain responsible for motor control, coordination, and speech (among other things).

The plan is to remove it by way of craniotomy, a surgical procedure where…yes…the neurosurgeon cracks open my skull and gets it.

My Thoughts

I hate this whole thing. Twenty-four days ago,  I was “fine” and living my best life.

I’m scared. The thought of brain surgery is terrifying.

I feel awful. I’m having many seizures per day, I’m sore, and I have a perpetual headache.

I am declining. I have lost strength and coordination on my right side. I am hobbly, and I write like a third grade boy.

This is already hard. Me and my first dose of seizure medicine did not get along through most of the night last night, and I need restful sleep.

My Truths

I have the best man I could have ever chosen. He is selfless, brave, and loving.

I am surrounded by precious, caring family and friends who are willing to rush to my side and bring, be, or do.

I have an all-knowing, graceful, forgiving, and loving God who does everything Psalm 23 says He does.

Now what?

Now we anticipate surgery day,  Tuesday, January 28th.

I go for more tests, scans, and such in preparation for surgery, and I take my seizure meds.

We pray a lot. I try to rest and keep these infernal headaches at bay.

We look at the sky more, watch birds, pet dogs, and listen for owls.

We say what we mean, smile, make jokes, and hug.

We take even less crap.

And we’re badasses, right?

Our track record of making through tough days and ridiculous, trying circumstances is 100%.

When I lean on Keith, wet, dripping, and naked, so he can help me out of the shower, I don’t look much like a badass.

As Brady helps pull me out of a chair, I don’t look like a badass.

As Blake leans over into the bed to love me before he goes to work, I don’t look like a badass.

But Keith helped me remember that WE have been through hell. WE have taken on big challenges. WE have fought our way back through many struggles.

We ARE badasses. We may tackle this with fear and uncertainty, but we will tackle it together.

I hope you’ll join us.

We need everybody on this bus who’s willing to rally, fight, and hold us up. As best I can, I want to share this with you. It helps me cope, and I’m encouraged by your kindness. 

I have a lot to learn about tumors and how to survive them. I’m off to a pretty shaky start, which I’ll have to begin to tell you about soon, but I feel good about what we know so far. We just have to learn to cope, then battle back after surgery.

If I’m able, I’ll post. If you’re able, you pray.

#pray4msa #purplepower #graceanddignity

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