Healing: False Beliefs

You have beliefs about things that are not true. We all do. Let me explain.

False beliefs, also referred to as limiting beliefs, are ideas we rigidly hold to be true. They affect our behavior, our attitude, even our moods. We pick up these false beliefs throughout our life by way of culture, social norms, family habits, and influences by friends, relatives, and school teachers. Some of them we just conjure up as we rock along through life through experiences, following a trauma, by way of internal dialogue, who knows…but we have them.

I learned about false beliefs when I started my self-healing, spiritual search for peace with a coach two years ago. I’ll give you a few examples of some of the false beliefs I held fast to back then (and boy, did it take a lot to work these out)…

• Everything has to be perfect – perfectly executed, perfectly delivered, perfectly finished.
• You have to earn rest – you get things done, you work, you stay on top of things, you finish, then maybe you can rest for a minute (as a reward!).
• You have to perform for people to love you – you must do everything great, you must be wonderful, you must follow all the rules, you must put yourself last and others first, THEN people will love you.

Terrible, right? When I look back of some of the false beliefs that commanded my life, I feel silly. Anybody with any common sense would know that those ideas are ridiculous, but there I was floundering. I was killing myself to make all I did, all I said, all I wrote, all I created perfect. I was killing myself to do, do more, and do even more after that just to feel justified in sitting down, simply taking a nap, or being off work a day. I was killing myself to be the best, to be fun and happy and shiny, to do exactly what I was “supposed to do”, to put myself last, so people would love me.

By becoming aware, coming up with answers to painful questions, delving into not just my emotions but the “why” behind them, exploring the genesis of my thought patterns, and yeah, crying and beating myself up, I managed to name my false beliefs. And, Y’all, this is only three. I had so many.

And, Y’all, I still do. I find it interesting that having worked through a host of false beliefs, forcing myself to unlearn so much, learning to forgive myself and others, replacing these ridiculous thoughts with new, more reasonable ones, finding a new peace…that false beliefs STILL exist within me. I still have them! Unlearning is apparently NOT akin to sweeping through a hoarders house, chunking all the crap into a dumpster, and hauling it off. Unlearning is obviously akin to being the actual hoarder whereby you have to be brave enough to throw out the crap then continue to keep hold of yourself so you don’t relapse and end up buried in a pile of mess again. That’s where I am now…working through my false beliefs du jour.

So I mention it to you for a few reasons. First, you might be flailing like I was. You’re blaming someone. You’re blaming your circumstances. You can’t shake that back ache or those irritable bowels. Your thoughts are a mess, and you think you’re broken. You are not. I promise you…I promise you…you’ve got some false beliefs working. They are plaguing you constantly. They are even affecting your health.

Second, you don’t know you have false beliefs, because your inner dialogue makes sense of it all. It’s normal in your culture. Those beliefs were held by your dad, his mother, and your extended family embodies those beliefs today. Your mom makes sense of it. You learned it at school. Somebody point-blank told you these things were true. Whatever it is, whatever the source, the beliefs are false. It really helps to figure that out.

Lastly, you can overcome them. When you’re brave enough to take on your thoughts and start becoming extremely self aware, you can unlearn them and fashion your thoughts into better, more reasonable thoughts that actually help make you a better person inside (even a healthier person physically!) which makes you a better person outside. How can we give love? How can we be light? How can we offer the best of ourselves to help better the world if we are all jacked up inside, particularly from some stupid false beliefs?

Now…like I mentioned…I realized today that I have several nagging false beliefs lingering. I think every project, every task should be done quickly, efficiently, even hurriedly so I can be ready to take on the next project about to hit me in the chest. I believe that my work should equate to everyone else’s work (if they are out sweating and killing it, I should be sweating and killing it, too). I believe that I’m going to be left out, left behind, or forgotten if I don’t hustle.

Yes, I know in my heart that none of those beliefs make sense. I see that. When I trace back the “why” behind my emotions and actions, these are what I come up with, though. I have to change them. I have to unlearn. I have to replace them with appropriate, healthy beliefs for the preservation of my mental health, for personal growth, for peace.

Healing false beliefs can be done. I’ll give you a few steps to consider, although the process is nowhere near easy or fast.

• Coaching and therapy with someone who knows how to navigate false beliefs helps. The best coaches and therapists won’t identify yours or help you fix them. They will ask the right questions and help you go within to identify them yourself, come up with alternatives, and reshape your own thoughts.
• If you want to DIY, start by observing your emotions. What are you feeling? Why do you THINK you feel that way? Where did you get that idea? Who told you that? Is that a moral or legal absolute? Is that accurate or reasonable? Why not? Write them down.
• Come up with the opposite. Whatever had been your expectation, whatever had been your worry, whatever had been your beliefs, what would the alternative be? Rephrase your false belief into a reasonable, more realistic belief.
• Practice. Instead of chasing your emotions down the rabbit hole next time, observe them instead. Think about how you’re reacting, why this bothers you, how you could be handling it instead, what a more appropriate response would be. And get away from those people and circumstances that foster and preserve these false beliefs. When you grow, you will leave people behind, and that’s ok.

I’m not a doctor. I’m not a therapist. I’m not a coach. I’m just a chick who suffered. My mind was an absolute wreck, and I was going through hell putting band-aids on what I thought was the problem. I overworked to stay busy. I drank wine. I slept. I went to the doctor for medical answers. I made excuses. I thought I was sick. Much of it was false beliefs.

Look into it, and heal. Your thoughts could be leading you astray because of false beliefs.