Internal Dialog…Try Harder

My internal dialog just this morning…

Amanda, take your probiotic. Your gut is a mess. You haven’t been eating right at all. No wonder you feel like crap.

Speaking of that, go prep tonight’s food. You’ll be glad you did. Aren’t you glad you bought groceries? Now eat right, and quit wondering why your body hurts.

Dang. Garlic smells so good. Make this good, so everyone will love it.

Amanda, make that granola mix. Put it out for the fam in that pretty glass dish with the lid. Don’t eat too much of it. Yo, you’re eating too much of it.

Look up the brussel sprouts recipe you pinned. Prep those. And prep whatever else, so you can enjoy your evening. Think. Do what you need to do.

Amanda, comparison is the thief of joy. Knock it off. You’re pretty enough. Keep eating wisely, and stay in control. And, Girl, please stay prepared. You know if there is crap around, you’ll eat it. You eat too much “not junk” that really is junk. You can do better.

Amanda, seriously shut up. You put on the weight. If you’ll stop screwing around and do right, it will continue to come off.

I know you don’t feel like cleaning something, but clean something. Then again, you’ve got work to do. Do the work.

Are you drinking enough water? No.

Amanda, sit down and write. Just write. Wriiiiite. Stop whining, and write. But there’s work…and laundry…and messes…

I bet people think you’re pathetic and dramatic. Oh, you know they judge. Girl, stop. You know you’re not pathetic or dramatic, so who gives a flip what anybody thinks?! Get over yourself and this negative bullshit talk. Gah!

Those women you follow on Facebook, though…they are so good, and they have a bazillion followers…Amanda, shut up. Seriously.

Are you going to be able to get all your work done? You need to be busy. Right now.

Go check the oven.

Y’all. That was just a huge lesson in how hard I am on myself. I need to fix that. That’s all day.

What makes this voice speak so often and so naturally, yet makes the alternative – an encouraging, kind voice – speak so seldom?

I am fearfully and wonderfully made, right? God loves me in spite of myself, and I’m perfectly imperfect to Him. I’m a recipient of God’s mercy and grace. I’m educated and accomplished. I’m worthy of love from other people…

…and myself.

Amanda, it’s not arrogant to think you’re good at something. It’s not boastful to post about cool things you created or neat places you visited. It’s not annoying to talk about your life, your dreams, and your journey.

Sister, you don’t need approval, not your friends’, not your moms’, not your customers’. Nobody’s. God has got you in His right hand. You please Him often, and when you fall short, He loves you anyway. And you know what, Keith loves you. Big. So do your kids. Stop worrying…even just wondering…what other people think.

Girlfriend, it’s ok to love all the things about yourself. It’s ok to embrace all that is funny, sharp, and smart about you. It’s ok to unapologetically say “no” and look after your own interests, your own husband, your own kids. It’s ok to use your time the way YOU want to use your time. And, Sister, it’s ok to be a little jiggly, a little emotional, a little stubborn.

You’re doing SO MUCH BETTER taking care of yourself, letting go of people pleasing, prioritizing what’s most important. Now let go of the self deprivation. Build yourself up. Cheer for yourself. Praise yourself.

Yep…I’ll take it from there and try harder… and yes, I’ll write.

Published by Amanda Herring, Writer

Practical wisdom, joys and pains, motivation and tough love, from the perspective of a Mississippi mom, traveler, business owner, goal crusher, substance seeker, and full-time dreamer

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