WHAT A RIDE I’M ON…and I hate it.

H-A-T-E

Admittedly, my vibe is bad. My eyebrows are so furled over my often-teary eyes, that I can’t see many silver linings these days.

Hear me out…I CAN see those glimmers. I haven’t lost my faith, and I’m not giving up…

… but oh, Man, have I been getting tossed about by this brain cancer BS (whatever it is)?!

Let’s catch up on the medical front…

The last time I posted, I had just come home from a 5-day hospital stay. A practitioner hooked us up with hospice, and I got a bed, oxygen, and whatnot at the house.

Both legs were still out of service.

I had a new regimen of eleventy-seven pills prescribed by a number of various white coats.

Keith was giving me blood thinner shots and insulin injections (don’t even ask) multiple times per day.

Then the nausea and vom started.

As tonight, I have been nauseated for 11 straight days, about half of which has involved a throw-up bag.

So I haven’t eaten very much, and i don’t want to. *cue heaves*

I also have a “taste” in my mouth that I can’t get rid of, and it makes all food taste terrible anyway.

We are not sure what’s causing it. Meds? Inflammation in my brain? Cancer tumor?

THE KICKER – My doctors all say they aren’t sure what’s causing it either. They are only guessing it’s medicine or something other than a tumor.

Oh yeah? Then…what?!

I’m headed to a lumbar puncture  (spinal tap) next Monday, the 15th, to rule out the presence of other cancers and certain diseases.

I’ll play along, Zofran and emesis bag in tow.

As for my legs…still not working. I am bedbound. Keith and I exercise it every day. There may be only [       ] that much improvement so far, but I’ll take it. (Keith would tell you it’s so much more than that.) Prayers I can stand up any day now!

All that said, feel free to ask and check on anything medical I didn’t cover.

And know this…I have not been able to present like I should. I have received your texts, DM’s, comments, even birthday wishes (I turned 50 on August 18th!). I am thankful for everything.

I’ve either been sick, asleep, or feeling sorry for myself.  Looking at my phone was unbearable…too much “noise”. And I can hardly text, as my right hand is so shakey, it’s almost kaput (I’ve been writing this post for 57 minutes.)

My heart has been broken (over and over again) by this stupid cancer. These are the days and weeks of random struggles and suffering I didn’t know about. I get mad and sad and frustrated and want to scream.

Thank you for being concerned about me. I’ll be around, and rest assured, I’ll do my best to update unless I’m deep in the weeds.

I love y’all.

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