I came up with a list of what I wanted out of “retirement” from dance studio ownership, and here I am doing things on my list:Â leisurely drinking coffee and reading about wine at 11:00 am on a Monday.
Yes. Among other things, leisurely drinking a cup of coffee AND reading AND learning about wine AND doing such things in the middle of a weekday were on my list. You have to be very specific when designing your life.
I came across a post about curating the life you want just yesterday. The author was similarly lolling about, arranging fresh flowers on her kitchen counter, learning to love hot tea. A commenter countered the author with, “Yeah, that’s nice if you don’t have to work and can just sit around doing whatever you want and flit from place to place. Some of us aren’t rich or privileged.”
As my lovely friend, Natalie, would assert emphatically when challenged…
“Listen.”
Creating the life you want requires deliberate and careful decision making. That’s it.
Doing the things you most want to do takes effort.
You can design a life you love and still work, still take care of children, still have a full plate.
You can even curate a life you love even if your funds are low.
You have to MAKE THE CHOICE.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21
I really believe that where we put our focus, our money, our efforts dictates our actions. How we expend our energy results in what we have, where we are, who we are with. You can get caught up in “The Loop” (that’s what I call the everyday nonsense of the world). You can easily spend money thoughtlessly. Daily tasks, expectations of others, the “obligations” you think you have, can eat up your focus and energy. You won’t even realize that’s what happening!
I took exception to the commenter at first. Then I realized that she’s bitter. She is looking at what seems “perfect” on social media (making the decisions necessary to curate a life you love and doing what you need to do to make it happen ARE NOT easy), comparing her life with the one she sees, coming up with a rebuttal that justifies her current state…and she’s no doubt miserable. I would guess that she feels trapped and without the ability to make changes. I softened. I can acknowledge how hard that is…and relate! I have been in the trenches, too, busy, broke, and overwhelmed thinking there was no way out.
That’s why decision making is so important. I wish I could reach out to her and shake her. I wish I could tell her to start by squeezing in one small thing a day she enjoys, five minutes. I wish I could tell her to save $5 or maybe $10 every week, anything, by cutting unnecessary purchases, buying shampoo at Dollar General, hitting up Dollar Tree for household things. I wish I could tell her to cut cable, downsize her cell phone bill, clip coupons. I wish I could tell her to say “no” more at work, say “no” more to energy-vampire family members and friends, say “no” more to the world. I wish I could tell her to make a plan with her family, her kids, to go outside and touch a tree, sit inside and play board games, get in the car and ride around for no reason. I wish I could point her in the direction of healing, from the inside, so she could experience peace. I wish I could motivate her to take her life back.
When I was finally fed up with my messy brain and over-the-top stress level two years ago, I set out on a journey to fix it. I now read my journal from that time and marvel at what a mess I was inside. Nobody knew it but me. I wanted peace. I wanted a clean, tranquil home. I wanted substantive conversations and solid relationships. I wanted to make memories and enjoy my children.
MAKING THE DECISION to fix it changed everything. And yeah, I guess it ultimately led to a semi-retirement from dance studio ownership, but only by grace and serendipity. That decision to break out of my misery, that decision to find a way, that decision to see help, led to an open heart. My open heart brought about more love, more compassion, more intentional living. My open heart pointed me toward an opportunity, to trust a beautiful, talented person, to let go. My open heart brought me closer to my home and my family. My open heart awaits new possibilities, new accomplishments, new joy.
One deliberate, careful decision set it all in motion.
Now I’m done with my coffee. I’ve closed my wine book. I’m off to rearrange my kitchen drawers and clean out my pantry. They look like my old, messy brain.
The Evolution continues…