Are you one of “the strong ones” who’s got it all together?

Are you the one who helps, who has answers, who offers the shoulder other people can feel free to cry on?

Are you the handler of things, the planner of activities, the thrower of parties, the good vibes sender?

Are you the information source, the decision maker, the finder of things?

I see you. You’re struggling, too, but you wouldn’t dare make a fuss over it, would you? It’ll be fine. This, too, shall pass. It’s just a season, right?

Yeah, right. I know better.

There are moments that you’re over it. You’re done. You need rest. You need a break. You need people to stop asking you questions, wanting your opinion, asking that you validate their feelings, hoping you’ll be there to hold them up.

There are moments you long for quiet. It’s peace you’re after. A good night’s sleep, or five, could change your life. You need reassurance, support, and encouragement. You are desperate to have someone hold you, touch your hair, sit with you in quiet.

There are moments you’re sick of it all, I know. You don’t want to do this anymore. I know.

But here you are…one of the strong ones. The ones who will stand up tall tomorrow and do it all again.

You will give out answers, hugs, and motivations. You will seek first to understand and go out of your way to help. You will empathize too much and carry the pain of others as a means of helping. You will pet and love, laugh and plan more activities, race around, and do.

I know that sometimes, even “the strong ones” are not ok. The strong ones need encouragement and lots of support. They need peaceful, personal time to recharge. They need to be reminded to let go, slow down, and take that time for themselves. The strong ones hurt inside, too, and it might be that fast pace, all the extra work, and the desire to make others happy that help fill any voids or replace any pain they might be struggling with.

Plot Twist: I wrote this a year ago. My heart was clearly troubled, and my mind was tired. I was watching other “strong ones” and wondering how we got there, watching them push through and wondering how we could get out. What did WE need? Who was attending to US? Why did we think we had to always be strong?

Evolve. That’s how. Attend to myself. That’s what. Because I needed to change my beliefs. That’s why.

I didn’t know then that I had the power to change it all. I thought I was stuck and that adapting was the only solution. Suck it up. Find ways to cope. Teach people to love on the strong ones.

No! The solution is to stop trying to be strong.  Embrace my vulnerability. Change it all. Cease trying to make everyone happy and be all things to all people. Let go of task lists. Get out from under heavy responsibility. Let someone else take the wheel.  Relinquish the grind.

Yes! Inventory my own needs. Start prioritizing rest. Dream again. Add to my bucket list. Take time to heal. Be in my husband’s arms. Play with my kids. Study my Bible regularly. Cook. Work when I want to work. Write. Go outside barefoot. Sleep in. Spend the last few years of my 40’s (and beyond!) working at my own pace, doing more of what makes me fair, cultivating contentment, and enjoying peace.

I’m there! I am actually creating a new life I want, not just trying to stay strong and perpetually adapt to a life I had, perhaps, already finished living. It’s time for a new one, and every time I think about the life that awaits, I get excited.

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