So I’ve been thinking about telling y’all that I’m going to start trying to lose weight. Telling you would mean accountability, though, and accountability means…um… having to be accountable…for actually doing it. *sigh*
Why is weight loss hard? It’s not hard to eat birthday cake. Why is weight loss accountability so hard? It’s not hard to talk about dinner plans.
For me personally, weight loss is hard because I’m addicted to food. I use it to feel better when I’m anxious. I eat to celebrate anything (birthday cake!). My brain signals me when it wants something salty or sweet. That dopamine hits when I eat pasta. Addicted.
Accountability is hard for me, because I freaking suck. I give in. I fail a lot. I hate for anybody to see me mess up. Besides feeling embarrassed, I feel silly. I don’t want to be just another fat girl whining about weight loss in one post, then eating BBQ nachos in the next. I hate those girls.
I guess I just hate the whole thing. I hate that I do hard things every day, but weight loss throws me for a loop. I hate the fact that if I tell it, I’ll be held to actually doing it or my failure will be visible. Damn.
Let me think about it a little longer, and I may eventually decide to tell you I’m making efforts toward losing weight. In the meantime, I’ll be drinking all the water I can and working to eat mostly whole foods.
Uugghhh.
Amanda Herring, Writer 