Things I Learned Today / Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Things I learned today…

Look here ” Self Checkout Computer Karen”, I am fully aware that I must “Please scan all items before placing them in the bagging area.” therefore I need not be reminded every, single time after placing something in said bagging area. I wouldn’t put an item in your precious bagging area without scanning it for all the tea in China, because I am not a thief. And if you will kindly wait 2.3 seconds while I turn to my cart and retrieve the next item to scan, you won’t have to yell “Please scan your next item.” at me. Simmer down. I promise, nobody (even you who likes to rush then STALL because you’ve suddenly decided I need help) wants to get out of here faster than me.

I’m telling you, when Self Checkout Computer Karen decides abruptly and in mid-scan that I need help and summons a cashier while loudly announcing “Help is on the way!”, I want to summon a demon right there in Self Checkout #3.

Hudson decided this afternoon that I should pick him up and hold him. I’ll tell you, though, that if he pees or poops on the floor another time or two, I’m going to pick him up alright and have him twirling on a spit.

There’s a kid on YouTube and TikTok and whatnot named “Coco Quinn”. Brady showed me a picture of her. She just turned 13 and, in the 3 pictures Brady showed me, is totally sexualized. Y’all. I just can’t. She’s still a BABY. She is pedophile fodder. Google her. These are our kids’ influences. I guess I’m just old. When I was 13, my old 6th grade mom haircut was still growing out, I had bruises on my legs, and I tight-rolled my jeans.

My second day without carbs hasn’t been so bad.

I washed my hair this morning, and it turned out great…then I sat outside at Coffee Central this morning at 7:45 am (already in the upper 80’s) and let the heat and humidity destroy it.

I have on real pants today…like…pants…not leggings. I think I look so weird.

I had a dancer come in to be fitted for shoes the other day, and I told her how well she did in the show. She beamed. I asked her who came to watch her dance and how proud they must have been of her, and she announced that her Papaw had come and that he weighs 300 lbs.

That’s all. We learn every day, don’t we?

Published by Amanda Herring, Writer

Practical wisdom, joys and pains, motivation and tough love, from the perspective of a Mississippi mom, traveler, business owner, goal crusher, substance seeker, and full-time dreamer

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