Sllleeepppp! All I wanted to do today was sleep! I am perpetually exhausted. Who knows why? Could be one thing or the combination of all the thousand things going on in a given moment.
Keith brought Brady to the hospital to see me (we aren’t keen on her driving in Memphis by herself). I loved having them here.
Here’s the thing about them though…
…they don’t let me rest. I mean, they don’t let me get away with too much resting. They want me up and trying and fighting…which I totally get.
I mentioned in a post the other day that the “real fight” has started.
I only thought struggling through the nausea, the fatigue, the weakness, and the stamina to get through chemo and radiation was the fight.
I only imagined that putting on a suit of armor and heading bravely into the operating room was the fight.
I only imagined that being tearful every now and then, reminiscing, and wishing I had my old life back was the fight.
I’m learning that it’s much, much more.
The fight is becoming rooted in PURE WILL.
The fight is digging myself out of a very DEEP HOLE, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
The fight is working tirelessly to get my brain to CONNECT again with my body parts in an effort to do the bare minimum.
The fight is pushing back THE FEAR and anticipation of the great pain that I know will come when I try to move and stand and make those physical connections. It hurts.
Then the fight is the UNKNOWN, the waiting, the hoping, and the anxiety surrounding what could possibly be going on in my brain.
Keith and Brady got me up today to the side of the bed where I was able to hold myself up about fifteen or twenty minutes.
Keith pulled me to standing and held me up since I’m not strong enough to stand on my own.
Brady moved my legs around and helped steady me. She made my bed and changed my gown.
Brady motivated, she spoke the truth, and she was full of gentle, meaningful wisdom.
I’ve always wanted to be her hero, but as it turns out, she might be mine.
Keith is rock solid, patient, and steady. He pushes me hard, and I don’t like it, but he’s (mostly) right. (Do not tell him I said so.)
We will now wait tomorrow, (the 4th of July) and through the weekend here in this hospital room, then hopefully get approval for moving me to an in-house rehabilitation facility nearer my house early next week. I must work on getting stronger to at least be able to take care of myself at home.
This is when I need to take my own advice…
I can do hard things.
I have every faith.
I will follow God wherever He may have me go.
I will praise him in the trenches.
I will be as brave as I can be and Superman up.
I will savor every prayer and allowed my friends to cover me in love.
I will continue to try to be light from a hospital bed, sharing love and gratitude with all who come in to care for me.
I love y’all
Thank you for loving me back.
#powerinthepurple
#pray4msa
#graceanddignity