I included this picture as part of a recent post about my Optune arrays. It got several comments and seemed to get pushed to the social media forefront.
“Beautiful strength in this picture alone. Love you big big 💜💜💜”
“True warrior!”
“Strength and perseverance never looked so sexy!!”
“Love you”
I wasn’t sure what to make of it at first and thought twice about whether I should have even posted it. I don’t know…I felt a little “seen” in all my glorious infirmity, but wasn’t that the point?
Yes.
It’s my scar from the first craniotomy.
It’s a trophy.
It’s a reminder that brain cancer got me, but I’m still here.
It’s exactly where the neurosurgeon will go in for the second craniotomy I’m facing in a few weeks.
No, it doesn’t hurt. Yes, it’s itchy.
No, it’s not soft. Yes, there’s a plate and screws under there.
No, it doesn’t bother me at all. Yes, I’m rather proud of it, oddly.
Scars are proof we made it. They tell a story about our hardship, and offer reminders of what we went through in the past.
I like to think they give us a strange peace in that we once suffered, maybe sliced open, rearranged, removed, but we got closed up successfully and securely.
I have an 8 inch scar on my belly, too, from the small bowel perforation surgery I had in April. Another trophy!
I’m not sure I’ll come out of surgery on June 24th with any new scars. I hope not. I have plenty. But this scar on my head will serve me again.
Now the scars on my heart? Well, that is another post for another time. I’m not sure the mourning my old self, the deficits that glioblastoma causes, the pain I’ve experienced, the terminal diagnosis, how burdensome and pitiful I often feel…those are scars I won’t ever be able to adequately picture or explain. I can only try.
I’ve just been thinking about that picture today. The scar itself, hidden right now under the arrays of this Optune, is waiting to be the entry point to my brain yet again…
… and the EXIT point for this brain cancer. Get out! And don’t come back!
God bless that scar.
I love y’all.
Craniotomy Countdown: 19 days
#powerinthepurple
#prayformsa
#graceanddignity