I don’t want to make small talk. I want to know the meaning of your tattoo, why you have that scar above your eyebrow, how you look away if someone tells you you’re pretty.

I don’t want to compliment your dress. It’s cute, but I want to know why you wear it with those boots, how they got the scuffs on just the heels, and why you don’t lace them the traditional way.

I don’t want to know that you read 38 books already this year. I want to know which one made you cry, which one you wanted to throw across the room, and which one made you feel uncomfortable sometimes.

I don’t want to hear that you like my purple hair. I want to know why you’re intrigued by it, if you think I’m too old to have it, if you’ve considered coloring yours but you were just too shy, if it reminds you of someone.

I seek connection.

She wants to tell me (“as a friend”…the worst) who was talking bad about me, who complained about my recent show, who was displeased with what I said.

She wants me to compliment her dress. Then she’ll beam when she tells me its brand and how much it cost.

She knows I like books, so she will brag that she’s read 38 already this year then ask me my magic number so maybe she can take pride in having out-read me.

She tells me she likes my purple hair so she can launch into the 8 reasons why she could NEVER pull it off or possibly risk looking unprofessional and not be taken seriously.

She seeks attention.

If you’ll listen to people carefully, they will outline the course of conversation nicely for you. Will it be one of connection, substantive and thoughtful, a give-and-take exchange between genuine people? Will it be one of establishing a pecking order, unilateral and artificial, a disjointed exchange between cohorts designed to one-up?

I just finished texting a friend of mine…

“Please feel free to encourage (*ahem*…force) me to stop being a hermit even though I will protest.”

…and it’s because I would just as soon stay home as go outside and be among the superficial. I would much rather be here, enjoying my mortgage, than fake smiling and talking about foolishness that doesn’t matter. Honestly, I am really bad at all that, and I need to be reminded to get up, get out, and get with substantive people who matter to me (and who I matter to!).

If you’re a connection seeker, too, stay here. I want to hear from you. I want to hear all about you. I want to cheer for you. I want to share my heart with you. I want us to have deep conversations, good memories, and inside jokes. I want you to come over without me having to clean up first. I want to be sad with you, and I want you to scream “Oh, yeah?” when somebody does me wrong. I want to talk about food and travel and wine and books and coffee and kids and rugs and tulip bulbs and all the things with you. I want to pray for you and you pray for me.

Attention seekers…kick rocks.

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,