“Is my mind fertile for the right seed?”
That’s the question. Now, let’s get into it.
I love to learn. I have always loved to learn. Except that I actually must have a life and manage it effectively day to day, I would read book after book, go to college again, sit with interesting people, who knows. I want all the info. I like knowing things, and knowledge is indeed power.
But my mind…is it always ready to receive ANY piece of information? Maybe not. (Dang it.)
Since I set about in search of real peace, I have learned SO MUCH about myself. When you begin to become self-aware, hash out all your emotions, and shed all your traumas, it’s called “awakening”. I am much more awake than I have ever been.
(Side Bar:Â Some people reading this will bristle at merely the word “awakening” because it sounds woo woo and magical to them. I’ll propose a theory for that at the end.)
Anywho…I have studied and applied a number of principles that seem absolutely, for lack of a better word, DUH!! Common sense. Practical wisdom. Everyday knowledge. So why did I ever have to go searching for it?
My mind was not fertile for the right seed.
Part of awakening, I have experienced, is realizing that I was in a fog. I like to call it “The Loop” whereby we are just in the world circling and spinning and bouncing around, tumbling through space and time, surrounded by a mist of old beliefs, bad habits, and off-base perspectives. The mist is hard to see through, but I was determined. I was resourceful and hardworking. I had the values and the work ethic and the desire to push through it, manage it, and even claim part of it as my own. Pssshht.
My mind was not fertile for the right seed.
I read books and studied my Bible. I collected inspirational quotes on inspirational Pinterest boards. I prayed, motivated others, gave advice. I watched documentaries, listened to speakers, and sought out the perspective of seasoned experts. I worked hard, built successful businesses, saved money.Â
My mind was full of words, verses, and facts. I judged everyone and everything in the name of discernment. I clung to allies, reinforcement, and reassurance.
All that, and I felt no peace. And why?
My mind was not fertile for the right seed.
Then one day…it WAS fertile. No doubt the result of dedicated prayer and ongoing fits of frustration, I called a therapist. Finished that. (It took nearly 2 years.) Called on a spiritual counselor. Finished that. (I put in a full year of guided inner work.) Studied the brain, studied energy and frequency, studied religion, studied my Bible.
My brain was fertile for all the seeds of this laborious effort! They sprouted and took root. So many things came to light. So many things made sense. The angst, the consternation, the frustration, the longing for peace…it was all remedied in time because my brain was ready.
All that time in The Loop, all the previous prayers and verses and efforts, none of it was in vain. As it turns out, little bits of knowledge, morsels of wisdom, tiny gems of experience from my days in that fog culminated and combined with all that had been made clear to me along my journey. I began to feel lighter, but I started to beat myself up. Why hadn’t I learned all this forever ago? The pain, this tornado of a brain, the people pleasing, the overachieving… it could have been fixed already!
My mind was not fertile for the right seed.
I offer all that to you, who probably now thinks I’m a witch after reading all this about spiritual counselors and frequency and awakening and whatnot, to consider that maybe there is more for you out there, but your brain is not fertile. You’re not in the right state of mind to receive the info you need. You are not in the right place emotionally to be able to hear what you need to hear. I get it.
So I suggest to you…start with self-awareness. Find quiet time and reflect. Listen to what’s going on in your head. Just that simple act can kick start a journey toward clarity. I learned early on that you can’t fit much into a crowded, chaotic mind, so you need to carve out some room.
God is good to us, Y’all, and He loves us. He never leaves us; we leave Him. We lose sight of Him in the fog. We try to bring him into The Loop. It doesn’t work that way.
He tells us that we need only be still. Do it. Get silent. Breathe. He will speak to you and guide you in the right direction. Be still and ask. And listen. He will prepare your mind and heart to be fertile.
And when you begin to awaken, you’ll want it for everyone around you. You’ll then be frustrated about why you can’t help people and why they continue to be caught up in The Loop. You’ll wonder why they stay so locked into old belief systems without consideration that there might be alternative persectives that could free them from the fog.
You’ll wonder why they bristle at so much talk about God, spiritual approaches, and words like “awakening.”
Then you’ll remember to give yourself some grace. You might even wish to extend some grace to those struggling around you, too, because in this moment…
Their minds are not fertile for the right seed.
