Y’all. I’ve been writing about my little soul searching effort, and I’m at the part where we talk about pushback. I have read a many a comment on blogs and social media posts where the original poster on a quest for self care and soul searching is accused of being privileged, even “bougie”. Commenters are quick to call a woman’s effort to seek clarity into question, tell her to get over it, mention how “it must be nice”, and chastise her for “not having it that bad”.
Shut. Up. Not now. This is about survival. It’s about how we, as individuals, must stop to work on ourselves and work to improve our lives. That’s it.
Certainly by putting a morsel of my life out on the internet, I am subject to being judged. Fine. Whatever. But it would seem to me that the world might be a better place if we could all adopt the “if you can’t be kind, be quiet” approach. And the same goes for judgment from immediate folks around us when we make efforts to seek clarity and improve our lives. Hmmph.
Some people won’t get it. They just won’t…and they don’t have to. Maybe they are happy with their lives, so they don’t see why other people aren’t happy, too. Maybe they aren’t very self aware and don’t know what it’s like to NEED to shift gears and take a moment to think. Maybe they aren’t at that place yet in their own lives. Maybe they are the ones who think “suck it up” is sound advice. They won’t get what you’re trying to accomplish.
Some people will judge it. Oh geez, what’s her problem? What’s she whining about? Does she think she really has it that bad, puhleeze! I’ve been through worse, and I’m fine. She needs to be taking care of her kids. If I can be here, she can be here. Why hasn’t she returned my call? She isn’t being a very good friend. Lawd hammercy, everybody has an opinion.
Some people won’t like it. They were comfortable when you fit nicely into their “box”, and now you’re not staying put. They liked it when you did things for them, helped them, solved their problems, and now you’re not available or willing. They enjoyed (oddly) your sorrow, your exhaustion, your stress, because misery loves company, and now you’re happier and different. They had a plan for you, thoughts about what you “should” be doing, a vision for your life, and you’re not following it. Few people can put their own interests, thoughts, and ideals aside to genuinely support your happiness.
Some people will be vocal about it. And here’s where I struggle, Y’all. I don’t like judgey, argue-y, guilt trippy, naggy opinions. People say stuff, sometimes passive aggressively, sometimes boldly right to your face. In either event, I’m caught off guard often by the audacity so much that I don’t know what to say…or God forbid, I freaking snap back (which is my inclination). THIS is where I struggle…with how to respond…and I need to practice.
“I’ll take that into consideration.”
“Ah, I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“Oh my, I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”
“Mind your damn business.”
See, I’m bad at this. *giggle*
At the end of the day, I guess we stay in our lane, stay the course, and stay guarded. No amount of judgment, opinions, and nay-saying should ever stall or derail our train of awesome, particularly as we work on ourselves to be better, to do better, to build the life we want.
I super encourage you to stop and soul search. Take the time, if you’re truly headed for a breakdown. Take the time, if you’re truly over it all and ready to quit. Just take the time, and use it wisely however you need to gain new perspective and make efforts toward changing your life for the better. Forget the crap feedback. Refuse to even be around those who don’t support you. You got this. We got this.
Bottom Line: We only live once…and you CAN stop and change life anytime to make room for peace, cultivate hope, and make your life (and YOU) the best it can be.
Amanda Herring, Writer 