Things I Learned Today / Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Things I learned today…

Ok, after I give the world this piece of information, I fully expect reform, here goes: There is no such thing as “First Annual”. I don’t care how good your intentions are and how much you really want this thing to come off every year, it is not an “annual” anything until you’ve had it for 2 or more years consecutively already. Now go Google it if you want to, and argue with me if you must, but know that this pets the peeves of most literate people. I even know a few people that will refuse to go to the event if it’s billed as the “First Annual Whatever”. So please, Human Beings, I know you’re excited, but stop with the “First Annual”.

Perhaps related…if we’ve learned anything from the COVID debacle, it’s that we have no idea what we will be doing in a year or who we will even be. If you have the “First Annual Pie Extravaganza” in August, next August you might not even be allowed to cook pies or have an oven or electricity or a kitchen. And flour might be $29 a bag. Anyway…enough with the “First Annual”.

I’ve never been diagnosed with ADD. I actually had very wrong ideas about what ADD was and what it does to a person. I thought I knew, but I really didn’t. I would bet you $7,351 that I have ADD and always have.

Watching kids learn is one of my joys in life. I taught both my kids to read, and I’m so proud of that. I saved the paper from the first time they wrote their names, and I distinctly remember the first time they wrote the other’s name. Watching teenagers learn is not quite so fun. It’s like watching an implosion. The building is crashing down, and you know it’s in the name of progress, but it’s still a violent crash into a pile of rubble that will have to be transformed.

If I actually answer the phone after seeing a number I don’t recognize ring through…and you GET TO HAVE my attention momentarily…don’t come at me with “Can you verify your birth date to discuss a business matter?”. No. She even told me my address, then asked if I could verify the zip code. No. Then I was told that she can’t tell me the details of the “business matter” until I verify all my info. Lady, chickens will go extinct before I “verify” my personal info with you over the phone to reveal the mystery of your alleged “business matter”. I’m not that intrigued.

These days are severely pressing on my ability to focus. Like a mammogram. Pressing.

Ya’ll ever have that one pair of sunglasses that are just the shit, and you’re constantly worried about them? If they’re cheap and fabulous, it’s even worse, because you know you’ll never find another pair. I mean you can shoot out and buy some more Raybans…but you can’t find any more of those same cheap, fabulous ones. Nope.

Brady makes 2 syllables out of the word “tail”, and it’s a riot. Go ahead, say it out loud, Southern Friends.

Chicks that draw out the last sound of a word kind of drive me bonkers…”Liiiiiiiiike, noooooo, I thought so, but he didn’t even carrrrrrrrrrre.” Y’all know what I mean?

That’s all. We learn every day, don’t we?